kjp

being at home....

you're not a guest. not a family member as you once were. but you behave / interact with people as you *used* to - but not in the way you currently are / not the person you now are. Well, probably always was, but needed several months to bring it to the fore.

But this means that I'm under stress when I don't want to be - it's my holiday - I just want to relax and bludge and be myself (which I can't be at 'home').

It's a bit sad really, but not really surprising - how many years did I not fully like to live at home.

hmmm.

Maybe it's about regret - that I'm happy with how things are now, but never fully was back in CBR. And I couldn't / can't (?) change it back there.

Don't ask me to explain, I don't get it either.
hmmm.

It's something that I should keep in mind - it is one of the downsides to going back "home" (whereever that is...). ie: I should not expect to be fully happy at the end of a longish stay.

actually, it may be that when I go back I remember not the happiest things about growing up / unmet expectations of others - ie: disappointment.